I remember the day my parents bought our new home; A brand new mobile home.
It was a huge deal for us, kids, and a huge accomplishment for my parents.
Prior to this, we had lived in a small town in Mexico. Our home was 4 walls, unsure what the material was, but I vividly remember our roof.
It was old and thin that when it rained, drops of water would come in. Our floor was dirt so that was not too big of a deal.
The point here is that when we got our brand new mobile home, we felt so much gratitude for having something warm and new.
Our house was filled with so much light. My father always had night lights around the house, so even at night, when all the main lights were off, it was not completely dark in there.
As I continued to grow, I learned more about how my parents did not have the best relationship.
My mother was unhappy most of the time. My father was ‘surviving’ and worrying about how the next bill would be paid.
As the years passed, our house became older and older. We did not do a good job keeping up with it.
The bright home that once brought me comfort and peace began to bring me fear and anxiety.
It was no longer bright. It was now dark. (In a literally and not literal way)
When my dad left his physical body in 2020, the house felt even more dark. It no longer felt like a home.
Instead, it felt cold, and it gave me a worrisome feeling. Almost hard to explain.
When I look back at pictures, our house was vibrant and full of life.
Fast forward to 2022, when I decided to take the time to work on myself, to face my trauma, I realized that the worrisome feeling came from something within me.
The house was no longer vibrant because of the way I was choosing to see things.
My childhood home carries so much pain, grief, fear, and solitude.
In that home, we lived some of the best years of our life, but also some of the worst.
In that home, my father had a heart attack, and countless times, we had to call an ambulance, my mother attempted suicide more than once; I often sat in my room crying thinking of ways to end my life as well.
I know my siblings have their own traumas from that home as well.
When I think back to my childhood, it consists of emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and bullying.
Something that happened without realization.
Something that I thought I deserved.
Something that made me believe that I was not worthy of anything more than that.
It made me think that I was less than.
Not smart enough.
Not rich enough.
Not pretty enough.
I allowed it to shape who I would be in my adult life.
Making the choice to come back home to who I have always been meant to be required that I peel the layers of the trauma that I was operating from.
I went into nursing school to make my parents proud.
I love helping people so it was not too hard, but my heart was always in teaching others.
I pretended to not need glasses so my father could be proud of me.
I starved myself for days so my parents could see that I was ‘losing weight’.
After having my daughter in 2019, something in me clicked.
It occurred to me that I wanted something different for her.
I did not want her to feel less than, the way I did.
There was a nudge that kept tugging at me to leave nursing and follow my dream.
I have always loved writing. I was always attracted to poetry.
I started by becoming a freelancer for authors; Proofreading and editing their novels before they got published.
After a few months, I realized I wanted to be THE writer. I wanted to write my own story and help others along the way.
I did not just want to empower myself and my daughter.
This calling was bigger.
It was a calling to empower moms to come back home to who they have always been.
To stand up for the things that make their heart skip a beat without caring what society says.
So, I did.
In February of 2022, as a brand new entrepreneur, I launched my first 6 week coaching program for moms.
By November 2023, I had a website, a social following of over 3k women, a mini-course to help moms be the best of themselves, a FB community where I host live training weekly, a blog where I get to share my story and inspire others, and now a 3 month full VIP experience for moms to fully transform their lives.
None of this would have been possible if I had not realized that my home was dark and worrisome because it’s how I felt within.
If I had not made the choice to heal my wounds, and continue to grow into the woman I am now, I would not be where I am at this very moment.
Your home is what you make it.
Your home is you; What goes on within you when you are silent. When you are still.
It is in those moments where you truly grow and see yourself for who you truly are.
It’s your job to become better than yesterday. To allow yourself the gift of evolving into your highest, most beautiful, and authentic self.
And it’s possible for you.
It’s possible for you because I have done it. There is nothing that I have that you don’t.
All it takes is a desire to be better than yesterday. A desire to truly be happy and enjoy life.
Your home is you.
Always.
With lots of love,
-Stephii
